


back of a raindrop

by thortillaa



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Gen, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe and Ben were best friends, Poe's pov, Rey's POV, Smuggler Ben Solo, Young Ben Solo, basically lots of benpoe as childhood friends feelings, but with smuggler!ben, with dash of reylo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:06:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22534444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thortillaa/pseuds/thortillaa
Summary: After 15 years he still couldn't forget the boy. How could he when he was in everything that surrounded Poe.He was in his mother's eyes, over years becoming sadder and less hopeful. He was in his father's smile, still boyish despite his age. He was in his old speeder that he still kept in hangar for nostalgic reasons. He was in his every memory from before he hit adolescence. Every time he closed his eyes and thought about that times he could basically hear the boys suppressed laughter. Like he didn’t mean to laugh in the first place. He could see the boy’s dark locks of hair that kept falling into his eyes. And when he does that he can’t stop imagining what his life would be like if he never let him go. If he didn’t lose his brother and best friend that day.Some people say that Poe can’t let go of the past and maybe they are right.
Relationships: Kaydel Ko Connix/Poe Dameron, Lando Calrissian & Ben Solo, Poe Dameron & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron & Leia Organa, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there. After many years in this fandom, and many years of fighting with myself whether I should write some fanfic or not I decided (drunkenly) to finally fullfill my fanon dreams. This is first fic i have ever written in this fandom, and before that i wrote like 3 really mediocre fanfics. Not like I expect this thing to be any good but oh well, what's done it's done. I'm babbling, sorry.  
> I just hope you will somehow enjoy it, byeeee.

Poe honest to Maker would never think that he would end up as a teacher. Sure, he was the best pilot that Resistance could have right now but don’t they say that if you aren’t good enough at something then start teaching? He was still kind of dumbfounded at how he landed that job where there is so many better things left for him to do. Undercover missions? Sure, he was down to that. Spying on someone? Hell yeah, he would do it. Some suicide mission? Do you even have to ask? So how on Maker he ended up teaching bunch of teens and late adults how to fly a damn ship?

Well, it might have to do something with his slightly unauthorized mission that he was hiding from General Leia and maybe with the fact that she had to sent people to help him just a little with well… coming back alive. After all of that yelling and disapprovingly waggling finger right before his nose he accepted anything just to get out of that scolding party.

“Good job everyone. We will pick up where we left tomorrow, just remember to read again that chapter on air resistance” He sent his best smile towards his students and waved them goodbye as they started to head back towards their quarters. He was honestly so glad that this time no one approached him to ask any questions. He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and talk to some adults, but like the ones that are less dependent on him. He double checked if everything in the hangar was left as it should be and with a little jump in his step he made his way to eating area on the base. He could only hope there was still some quality food left because he damn well deserves it.

“Poe, over there” He heard from somewhere on the far edge of dining area and he slowly looked around looking for the source of that voice. Luckily there was also a hand waving at him above the heads of his hungry co-pilots and other resistance people.

“Here he is! Our favorite professor,” Greeted him Paige with shit-eating grin, she moved the tray filled with something that looked like an actual food in his direction and nodded “Kaydel saved you some, thought you might be hungry”

“Thank you, Kay.” He smiled towards his friend slash maybe girlfriend slash he doesn’t know what actually. Their relationship was complicated and two of them too immature and free spirited to decide whatever that was between them. They were friends, that’s for sure. “And you,” He pointed a finger towards Paige disapprovingly “Kriff off.

“Yeah I don’t think so. I’m gonna taunt you with that teaching crap till the day I die, Mister Dameron.”

Poe just rolled his eyes at her and to make his point turned away in direction of rest of his friends who didn’t enjoy making him suffer that much. “So, what’s new? What did I miss?”

“Just General Leia obviously stressing out about something she refuses to tell us,” Snap said shrugging his shoulders. “You should probably talk to her. Maybe she will share something with you, she doesn’t tell us.”

“And then you can tell us.” Kaydel was close to General, looked up to her like to mother figure but she was slightly bitter that Leia never fills her up with the details. That she doesn’t consider her to be responsible enough to carry the weight. Poe on the other hand despite all of their fights and bickering was the closest thing she had to a son since Ben was gone. Leia always felt somehow responsible for him especially after he lost his parents. She didn’t have to but since Poe was part of Solo’s life since he was born he kind of blended with the family.

“Yeah, she seemed kinda off today during the meeting.” Said Rose not really focusing on conversation before, too busy watching HoloNews on projector. “Guys did you see that new footage of that masked spice dealer?”

“Don’t even mention it.” said Kaydel at the same time Poe said “What masked spice dealer?”

“What masked spice dealer? Are you living under a rock or something Poe?” Rose looked at him like he had suddenly grown out a second head. “The masked spice dealer. The one that whole galaxy is talking about. How on Maker didn’t you hear about him?”

“Too busy with his new true calling” Snickered Paige laughing with a mouthful of food. If he wasn’t strangling her with his eyes before he definitely was now.

“I just don’t follow news that much. Anyway why would I care about some new free lancing criminal? To each his own.” He thought he ended that odd topic but he was wrong.

“Because he is hot?” He didn’t expect that to come out of Rose’s mouth.

“And badass?” And definitely not that from Kaydel’s.

“And like the best pilot in the universe?” This united sentence from Rose and Kay made his heart sting a little. Best pilot? And who the hell he was if not the best pilot.

“And did I mention he is hot?” Kaydel and Rose just nodded in sync like what they said was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Guys guys, did I miss the moment we started gasping after criminals? Thought we are the good guys here.”

“Did I miss the moment this place started to be the gasping for hot men space?” That was all cue Snap needed to leave the table. He just got up and left without a one word more.

“And how can you tell he is hot, not that I care, when he is wearing mask if I assume by his awful nickname correctly.”

“You don’t know a single thing, you should see him in action,” Said Kaydel starting to get overly excited for his liking. He wasn’t sure he wanted to witness Kay’s and Rose’s meltdown over some show-off from HoloNews. “One look at that man and you know there is a hottie behind this mask.”

“And his flying style is so incredible. Like he knows they can’t catch him so he can be an ass about it. Last week he baited six bounty hunters after him and when they thought they definitely caught him. He just shot one of them, and then moved aside so basically they all destroyed each other without him really doing much.”

“We could really use that kind of a fearless pilot around here.” That coming from Kaydel definitely stung a little. Like he wasn’t fearless, he basically went only on suicide missions. They don’t need any criminal that would probably screw them over to join.

“Great, you activated them. Great job, Poe. Now they won’t shut up.” Paige started getting her things from the table, clearly done with this conversation if all huffing and puffing was any indication.

“Geez I just asked who on Maker this guy was I didn’t expect a whole presentation about him.”

“I’m going back to my bunk. I live with one of this crazy fangirls I have enough of that spice dealer gasping.”

“You just don’t get it, Paige.” “I really don’t, sis. And I don’t mind because I don’t care.” Paige waved before she left the table and went in other direction.

“Just don’t listen to them, Poe. They have closed minds. Just look at the holovids.”

“Fine. Show me what the fuss is about.” This holovid didn’t show that much, just some old VCX-100 freighter painted silver and black that was making jump after jump into hyperspace even if whoever bounty hunter was chasing him sit on his tail after every jump. Dude was seriously just wasting fuel and destroying his engines with shows-off like this. Bounty hunter was right behind him when you could see he is barely seconds away from end of the tunnel and his inevitable death on rocks. But then he just disappeared of the sight and camera could barely catch him under hunter’s ship before holovid ended right after camera got crushed by rocks. Poe would never admit it but he was kind of impressed by the guy. When he ignored that awful show-off that seemed just touch of too dramatic for his liking.

“Did you see that? How can anyone do this? It’s against every rule in your piloting books.”

“It’s old school flying, Rose. Wouldn’t be surprised if guy was some old Empire pilot that wants to die on field so he has nothing to lose.” His flying techniques seemed oddly familiar, like he already watched something like this before. Maybe he did, maybe this guy used some trick that he saw in a movie already.

“He is not old. You should see his silhouette, he is buffed and fit like some kind of holovid star.”

“I don’t know Kay. I haven’t seen him. Just saying that you shouldn’t be too excited because dude could be 60 or something.”

“I will send you some holos I have saved up. For science reasons, of course. You will see for yourself.”

“Sure, do that, Rose.” The girls picked up their conversation where they left it completely zoning out from the rest of dining area. Poe could get the clue when his presence was redundant so he quickly finished what was left of his meal and got up. “I think I have to go see General now. Get out of her what’s really going on”

“Keep us updated.”

“Yeah” He couldn’t really promise that. They didn’t understand but some things that he hid with Leia from rest of the Resistance was just for their own good. They didn’t need to know every nasty detail that comes with this job.

* * *

He knocked lightly on General’s door. Kind of expecting her to not be in her quarters but it wasn’t even 10 seconds before doors opened before him. He walked in with his hands behind his back not really knowing what to expect from Leia. They weren’t really on good terms since he last saw her after his failed mission and she gave him a cold shoulder after most of the meetings.

“General, could I speak with you for a moment?"

“Oh, Poe. It’s good to see you. I really wanted us to discuss something.”

“Yes, General.”

“Sit, sit. It’s a longer talk,” She didn’t seem mad at him anymore pouring him some kind of drink and mentioning form him to sit down by the table. Her hair was untangled, free from any pins and braids. And it wasn’t first he saw her like this, this less professional version of her. But every time he did he felt kind of special. That she let him see her like that. Not as a general but more like a family member. “I have some eyes watching for me on Byss. And there is something really wrong going on.”

“Nothing good really happens on Byss, General.”

“Oh don’t be smart with me. I heard some months back that there are some weird transactions going on under the radar and I ignored it because it happens all the time. But I was wrong. The scale of this isn’t something normal. They are buying off most of the planets that manufacture some kind of parts. Any parts really,” She finally sat next to him, showing him the data she has gathered over last weeks. It didn’t look good. “And you know what really worries me? It all has been paid with old Imperial money. The Palpatine’s gold we heard rumors about a long time ago.”

“Yeah I heard about it. That the gold is hidden on one of Sith’s planet that isn’t on any map.”

“Poe, I hate to admit this but I’m out of hope. I feel like this is happening all over again and I’m afraid I’m too old and rusty to deal with this again. I won’t survive the rise of the Empire.”

“We don’t know anything yet. We have to try invigilate this, send someone to spy for us. See what it’s all about. Maybe your source is wrong.”

“It just feels bad, Poe. Like a rotten apple on the bottom of filled basket. I have a bad feeling about this,” She smiled lightly more to herself than Poe, but he knew what was in her mind. "Oh how in moments like this I more than usually miss this stubborn laserbrain of my husband.”

He knew it was somehow connected to Han. It was barely few months since he was gone and he knew Leia didn’t take it well. She hid it, as always, but he heard and saw enough to know that she was in pieces. And honestly who can blame her, she lost nearly everyone she has given her love to. And last 15 years have been especially hard on her. Exactly fifteen years, it’s not a coincidence it has to take it’s tool on her behavior too. It was just her and Han, and now when he is also gone she was alone. Alone around hundreds of people.

“And your mother, she always knew what to do. Where to start. I just don’t know what to do without them.” He didn’t know either. Kriff, he was surprised he was functioning that well after his mother passed away. And then not so many years ago his father.

“I miss them too, General.” After that the silence that came was deafening, he wasn’t sure what else could he say or do. They didn’t know much about this new organization, but they weren’t taking it seriously before. Over the years the fanatics of old Empire tried to rise here and there again and again but they always failed.

“It’s just us now, Poe. There is no one else left.”

* * *

Poe couldn’t get that last sentence out of his head. Leia was right, it was just them. Two people against whole galaxy.

That night was sleepless one for Poe. After hours of tossing and turning he managed to catch few short hours of sleep. But considering the dreams he had he wished to just stay up all night.

He saw a boy, a young one. Just few years younger than him. Boy who always felt too much and too intense for his own good. Boy who couldn’t love and couldn’t trust. He saw him that day, the day he left. Poe came at night, as he usually did knowing that the boy won’t sleep. And as he expected he saw him near the bed with blanket over his head and some old book spread out before him. Like an actual, made of paper book. He knocked on his window lightly until head of black locks sprung upwards and caught the sight of his friend. Dream stopped then, when he woke up still half asleep. Maybe he didn’t woke up at all?

But dream changed, moved past at least an hour to a bloody fist on his lap, that Poe tried to bandage with the little resources he had on his speeder.

“It’s okay. I get it. Just don’t leave them without a word. They deserve better than this.” He only heard quiet grunt in response and then a hiss, when his finger brushed past cut open skin. “Will you come back?”

“I don’t know.” Another grunt. But they both knew that was a lie. If he manages to get out he will never come back, not willingly.

“Will you at least message me from time to time, you moof-milker?” Poe tried to brighten the mood, he didn’t want it to be any kind of sappy goodbye.

“Yeah, someday. Probably.” There was a tiny hit of a smile on boy’s lips. Just barely visible, but it was there. The boy rarely smiled, at least not with anyone besides Poe.

“You better.”

He woke up again, with a weird feeling that he was missing something like he forgot what he was supposed to remember. Falling back asleep was different this time. It wasn’t peaceful, there were objects flying and boy’s eyes turned dark. Darker than usual and he saw unfamiliar fire in them. He didn’t know what angered the boy but he didn’t want to be close to him now. He tried to go, to run, to get out but he couldn’t. Trapped in place he realized that the anger of the boy was his fault. For the first time it was his fault and he tried to run from it.

“You didn’t even try!” Boy shouted at him throwing what was left of his room in Poe’s direction. “I needed you!”

“I tried, I swear. I was looking for you for so many years. You were gone.” He chanted under his breath suddenly without any strength to keep himself on feet. But the boy didn’t listen, he didn’t want to.

“I’m alone, Poe. All alone. By myself. Because of you,” There was sudden silence after the boy has spoken. Objects stopped flying and there was just them again. But Poe didn’t enjoy that silence. Because it was that kind of silence that was more terrifying than anger. Poe knew that whatever the boy will say now, will be hundred times more hurtful than angrily spitted out words. “You left me. You left me because you never trusted me. Because you were afraid of me.”

And he wanted to argue with the boy, but he was gone. Poe finally woke up for good, drained in sweat and barely having strength to catch a breath. He was gripping his mother’s ring that he wore on chain always close to his heart.

He doesn’t even remember when he reached for him after he woke up.

Maybe he was holding it all night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had trouble breathing at the point she reached turbines, the dust mixed up with sweat blocked her access to fresh air and she really wanted to take off her mask to get few seconds of air. But she knew it wasn’t going to work. That mask was the only thing protecting her from harmful fumes surrounding the wreckage that were far more dangerous for her than dust. She had seen the men and women, working on wreckages without any protecting layer, that after years began to cough blood after their skin turned permanently to that ugly shade of grey. They had been dying slowly and painfully over the years. She swore she wouldn’t let that happen to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Rey's POV and I've decided I will alternate between Rey and Poe for at least a few next chapters. It's easier to write them describing Ben than going inside Ben's head tbh.  
> I hope you will enjoy this chapter too and I'm so grateful that you are reading it!  
> I think the updates will show up at Mondays but i'm bad at promising so i will keep that one open.

It was particularly hot day on Jakku, maybe the hottest day since months. It was uncomfortably hot even without layers of heavy clothing and metal walls surrounding her. She felt like she was the main dish on the frying pan. She had been in worse situations of course but she was in such a foul mood today she felt like she had some permission to complain a bit. It all started because of that kriffing bastard Plutt. He promised to give her one of the last parts she needed for the repairment of her ship if she will get for him working radiation negator. She scavenged through three wrecks already and she had only found one completely busted, and one that could kind of work if she would try to work on it. But she knows Plutt, he will see the difference between repaired one and working one, there was no doubt. But the problem was that she wasn’t sure she would get that part she needs even if she will somehow find that negator. Plutt was a sneaky bastard and he damn well knew that she was close to finishing her ship, too close for his liking. But she had to try, it wasn’t like that part would appear for her from the sky and that slimy son of a bantha was her only hope.

She kept on climbing on wrecked walls of equally wrecked ship, that she couldn’t even indentify at this point. She had to get inside controller room and get under the navigation panel. She assumed there will be radiation negator, because it had been there in last three ships she scavenged through.

But there was at least one advantage of drops of sweat rolling down her back – she came across some real treasures in piles of garbage and she was sure she will get at least three portions for this. It’s been really tough lately, mostly because Rey struggled with decision whatever she should eat at least once a day or go hungry for a while and finish repairing her ship quicker to get out of here. And it took her two times she’d passed out of hunger to get a grip and sort her priorities. She won’t get out of here if she is dead. That’s for sure. And being buried on Jakku may count as her worst nightmare.

It had been already like two hours she’s been looking for that negator and she found absolutely nothing. She was about to give up when she finally realized like the biggest laserbrain that she wasn’t on ship that was made on Corellia like the ones before. So probably she shouldn’t be looking where the navigation panel was but closer to turbines. She wasted hours on her own stupidity and because of that heat. But it wasn’t time for self-kicking party, she had a job to do. With newfound energy she didn’t know she even had, the search began again.

She had trouble breathing at the point she reached turbines, the dust mixed up with sweat blocked her access to fresh air and she really wanted to take off her mask to get few seconds of air. But she knew it wasn’t going to work. That mask was the only thing protecting her from harmful fumes surrounding the wreckage that were far more dangerous for her than dust. She had seen the men and women, working on wreckages without any protecting layer, that after years began to cough blood after their skin turned permanently to that ugly shade of grey. They had been dying slowly and painfully over the years. She swore she wouldn’t let that happen to her.

Reaching for her screwdriver to open up one of the panels she felt a cozy wave going down her spine. She’d felt it before a few times, she couldn’t describe it but it somehow felt _right_. The more close she got to opening up the wave spread further. Finally the rusty panel gave up and she saw it. Radiation negator, it was a little worn out, probably could use some oiling and cleaning but it looked promising, Like she could actually do something with it.

Going down was actually a lot more trickier than going up but she somehow managed to get all the way down and get out of that wreckage. When she got far enough she took off her mask and uncovered her mouth from completely ruined cloth she put over her face before as an extra layer of protection from fumes. Her hair was all flat and the little hairs that framed her face stuck to her forehead, damp with sweat. She could really use a shower, before she gets to work. She sniffed her arm just to be sure and scrunched her face in disgust.

“Definitely need a shower” She said to herself as she packed up her treasure in small brown bag she had draped over her shoulder.

* * *

“Radiation negator. Good as new,” She announced proudly putting it on the counter of Plutt’s booth. “I will take my compensator now. Thank you.” She extended her hand and waited for Plutt to give her her payment. He picked it up from the counter with a wry face. He was watching it closely, looking for some damage to have a reason to refuse to pay her. But after few minutes of touching it he still couldn’t find any defect. Rey made sure of that. He gave it an extra polish so it would be all shiny spotless.

“Good job, girl” Her face all but lighted up and she could basically feel her leaving this desert. She had everything packed up already. Ready to leave anytime and don’t look back “But you are too late, I already sold that part you needed,” As quickly as Rey’s face lightened up, the life drained from her. He didn’t even give her a chance to bargain with him, taking negator from her and hiding it under the counter “I can give you one portion for it though. It looks decent enough”

“One portion?” She heard some guys laughing behind her, clearly enjoying her misery “It’s worth at least three portions. You can’t do this!”

“Well that’s life, girl. I can do whatever,” She could feel her face getting redder and redder with each passing second, and she wasn’t sure either it was embarrassment or anger getting the better of her. Plutt put one potion in front of her with a smug smile “Take it or leave it”

He said like she had any other choice than to take it and be grateful she didn’t end up robbed of everything. She reached for the portion, her fingers wrapping up around the plastic when her eyes landed on shelves behind Plutt.

“I will give you everything I found today for five portions and _that_ ” She pointed her finger towards bundled up wires that were mostly useless to anyone else but her.

“First show me what you have, girl” She knew he will pretend like what she wanted was precious even if she was the only sane person that would want to buy it. It was trash basically, but she wouldn’t find it herself on any wreckage, she was sure of it. Rey dumped everything she had in her bag on the counter and let Plutt examine her treasures. “Three portions and get out”

“Fine” She took everything before he could change his mind. She knew she could get more for what she’d gave him but she knew better not to cross lines with Plutt.

“Stupid girl” She wasn’t sure who said that, either Plutt or one of the men that were laughing previously at her. Rey chose to ignore it, before she gets in trouble. Without more of a thought she decided to go back to her ship.

* * *

After much needed meal she could finally start working. It took her three hours to untangle the wires and sort them out to three piles based on whether they worked at all, probably worked and definitely not worked. She got surprisingly good amount of working ones and maybe she would use them in the future, so it wasn’t that bad of a deal she’d made.

It took her some time to get this thing to work. She thought it was just disconnected wires that were blocking projector from working but some screws needed tightening up too and the thing was so old she wouldn’t blame it if it gave up completely. But when the blue light illuminated her whole face she couldn’t hide her joy and squealed a little. It wasn’t hard to unlock the holo projector, whoever owned it before not too bothered with being hacked. There weren’t any pictures on the device, but there were some videos. She hesitated only for a second, worrying that she has just crossed some line of privacy that she shouldn’t. But then, this ship was abandoned anyway, it wasn’t like someone was looking for him. She chose one of the videos and first thing she saw was pair of feet in brown leather boots. The owner of said boots cursed quietly and the video ended. She chose another one and hoped they weren’t all like that.

Second video showed a Wookie, arguing with someone next to him, but the focus quickly changed to tiny human cuddled up in his arms. It was a boy, with head full of messy black locks, covering half of his face. Rey couldn’t tell if the boy was sleeping or just sitting there, she couldn’t see his eyes at all. Whoever took the video had to be annoyed with his hair too. Delicate woman’s hand reached towards the boy and tried to brush the hair from boy’s eyes. They returned to their place immediately, despite woman’s attempt to tame them. The boy scrunched his nose in dissatisfaction over someone interrupting his precious sleeping time. The video ended right when boy woke up and started to weep loudly.

Rey without much of another thought about invading privacy scrolled through to find some most recent videos. The newest was only two years apart from the last one she saw. After that the owners probably bought some better projector. The boy had to be three or four years old on that video. He ran happily around the room with toy ship in his hand and making loud noises with his mouth.

“Ben, be careful,” said man recording the video “You will trip over your own toys, little guy”

“I won’t” The boy – Ben – looked at, presumably his father, quite offended. Like he was mad that he assumed from him such a reckless behavior. Ben’s eyes were brown, deep kind of brown with dark rims but hazel close to the pupil. In bright room they almost looked like they changed color with the slightest movement of Ben’s head. His skin was much more pale than Rey’s was. Closer to porcelain, equally as smooth. His pout lasted only a moment though and he returned to his loud play with toy ship. His father could only sigh and not interrupt his son.

“Do you want to be a pilot, Ben?”

“Just like you, Dad” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world a little surprised even that his dad would ask such a question.

“You will be such a trouble-maker. I can tell” But Ben didn’t respond to that and he kept playing not really losing any strength despite running around in circles for good couple of minutes. Video ended there with another shot at brown leather boots of a man.

Rey despite joyful video felt wave of sadness wash over her. She couldn’t understand where’d it came from or why was she feeling that way. Ben was happy little boy, loving his father and mother. He wanted to became a pilot like his dad someday, fly an X-Wing similar to the one he had as a toy. He had joyful childhood, full of love and laughter with parents who loved him more than anything else. He basically had everything that Rey had ever wanted.

Then why were his poems so full of anger? How could he made such a beautiful handwriting but use it to write only bitter thoughts? She didn’t understand and she wasn’t sure she wanted to if she was completely honest with herself. Maybe the boy from poems and Ben should be treated as two different people? What happened to Ben that he turned into the boy from beautifully written poems?

She kept wondering as she laid down on her mattress and continued to watch Ben’s videos until she'd fallen asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyelids were heavy, like he’d slept only for few minutes rather than hours and he was really fighting with himself to open his eyes. The sun was shining brightly into his room, making him wonder how he hadn’t woken up sooner. The light usually making him too irritated to stay in bed for more than half an hour after sunrise. He was in weird state of mind now, the type that blends suffering with somehow enjoying being miserable. He felt like it’s what he deserves. He really has to find something to do or else he will end up in this state for good few months like last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the delay of this chapter. Work has been absolute hell lately and this chapter is kind of transitional so i had problems writing it.  
> But good news is that next chapter will have Benjito finally. So the waiting will be over kiddos!
> 
> Thank you again for reading and i hope you will enjoy this chapter. xoxo
> 
> P.S. I will edit this disgusting mistakes tomorrow, I just wanted to post it already and since english is not my first language and it's like 3am already my brain doesn't think in english tenses. Sorry byeee.

Waking up after the nightmare was equally as awful as relieving. Coming back to reality was tricky and that sinking feeling in your gut was kind of lingering till it decided to leave on its own. And that masochistic part of Poe always wanted to stay in a nightmare a little longer, just to get a closure, to see what would have happened. But at the same time after a week of non stopping nightmares he was looking and feeling like a walking death. Every time he would’ve fallen asleep the past haunting him, punishing and just exhausting him. He was being moody, and rude to pretty much everyone. After second heated fight with Snap about basically nothing he got send to his quarters to calm down, like a kriffing child.

His eyelids were heavy, like he’d slept only for few minutes rather than hours and he was really fighting with himself to open his eyes. The sun was shining brightly into his room, making him wonder how he hadn’t woken up sooner. The light usually making him too irritated to stay in bed for more than half an hour after sunrise. He was in weird state of mind now, the type that blends suffering with somehow enjoying being miserable. He felt like it’s what he deserves. He really has to find something to do or else he will end up in this state for good few months like last time.

He felt a warm delicate hand tracing little patterns on his skin below his clavicle. Clearly sensing Poe is just pretending to be asleep.

“You weren’t talking this time” Poe rolled on his side involuntary opening his eyes. “Looks like a progress to me”

He had no idea how Kaydel knew about his nightmares. It wasn’t like he was talking about them to anyone. They were close but never close enough for Poe to share this kind of stuff. But Kaydel in some inexplicable way sensed it and came into his room one night. It was in the middle of his sleep when he sensed some presence in room but couldn’t put it in place until he finally realized that weight spread across his arm belonged to Kay. She sneaked into his room as quietly as she could, trying to calm him down and at the same time not wake him up. It wasn’t doing much, her calming down, if he was being honest with himself but waking up was easier. With the awareness that someone is beside him, that he isn’t alone.

“Yeah, maybe” He lifted his head enough to place a kiss on Kaydel’s forehead. He lingered only for a split second. “Could get used to waking up like this”

Kaydel snorted loudly and pushed lightly at his chest while he had the biggest smirk on his face “You wish, you sap” She was faster out of bed that it took him to get a good grip of her to keep her here a little longer. “Get yourself a girlfriend then” She managed to send his way one of her smug smiles before she disappeared into washroom. He wasn’t lying though. Kaydel was big part of his life and even if they were keeping things casual he couldn’t imagine anyone else who would deal with him like Kay does. She knew his every mood and how to react around him. She respected his space as well as he did hers but they knew when they needed each other too.

“Kriffing hell” She walked out of the washroom half dressed up already putting on her shirt in a hurry “Since when do you sleep that long, huh? Thought I didn’t need an alarm clock with you. We have to be at the meeting with general in” She checked her watch and threw a shirt at Poe at the same time “Kriff, kriff, kriff. 5 minutes”

“A meeting? Didn’t know about any” He managed to find his trousers and put them on before Kaydel nearly gave him a black eye with one of his own shoes.

“Well yeah, I was supposed to tell you but then” She made a vague gesture with her hand and shrugged her shoulders “I just forgot”

“Remind me to never depend on your memory”

“Oh back off, Poe.” With that she was out of the room already, Poe not far behind her.

* * *

The room was already full when they got there, Leia in the middle of the mess talking to few people at once. When she spotted Poe, she nodded in his direction and cut short all the noise with just a raise of her hand.

“Since we all are here I think it’s time to begin” She had the undivided attention of entire room, not even one person wasn’t listening. Poe always admired that because she never yelled or unnecessary disciplined people to get their respect. She just worked for it. For so many years, for few generations at least. It didn’t matter where they were coming from, she connected with everyone. She was the best leader Resistance could have. “I’m coming with some bad news, I’m afraid. We have been monitoring for some time the activity or some new organization that keeps getting new followers every day” Her voice sounded unbothered. Even if she could’ve just address one of her worst fears she didn’t let it show on her face. “It came to our attention that said organization has enormous financial resources as well as access to a weapon that we haven’t seen ever before” Whispers filled the room faster than Leia could finish her sentence and people started to speak over each other, asking questions, expressing their worry.

“I understand your concerns, I’m half terrified myself but as much as we know they are too unprepared yet to start anything. We still have time” She shushed all the noise in the room “The reason why we gathered here today is because my inside person disappeared without a word and we need to find them. Last I heard from them, they were hiding on Jakku”

“How do we know it’s not a trap?” Paige’s voice raised from the crowd.

“We don’t, Miss Tico. That’s why I wanted to meet with all of you” She leaned her hip on a table and spoke much more softly than before “I need a pilot. Good one. One that wouldn’t hesitate on that kind of mission. I understand it’s a lot of to ask of you. I would never send any of you on that kind of job if I wasn’t desperate. This person risked their life to provide us with information and probably saved the Resistance. We can’t leave them behind.” Poe looked around the room. He wasn’t expecting people to enthusiastically cheer or anything and he was even surprised that few of the people looked kind of ready to go. “Please don’t mae rush decisions. Consider my words and if you are still willing then I will be waiting in my quarters.”

* * *

Poe already knew that he wanted to go on that mission. In awful circumstances but it came like a salvation to his current state. He needed to keep his head occupied so his mind won’t have time to play tricks on him. With newfound motivation he knocked on general’s door not longer than half an hour after the meeting.

She opened the door for him and said firmly “No” before he could even get out a word.

“General, you don’t understand” Despite her rejection she still let him into her room but quickly turned her back on him

“I do, Poe. I understand everything and I’m still saying no” She sat on her couch and looked at him with that piercing gaze of her “If you think I will send you on this mission just because you are lacking of adventures, you are wrong. Big time” It was kind of fair of her to assume that it was just another mission to blow off some steam for him. He sat next to Leia on the couch.

“General it’s not that. I need this mission”

“Why?”

“I… I have… It’s been a tough week.” Part of him wanted to tell Leia about his nightmares, how dreams filled with violence, sadness, bitterness and her son had filled his head to that point that he can’t function anymore. He wants to, but he also knows how hurt she looks at every mention of her son. Her face seems normal, it’s really hard to read any kind of emotion from only her face to be honest. But you can see it in her eyes and posture. How pain fills her eyes within a second and she seems visibly smaller and just crashed. He can’t do this to her. “General, do you trust me?”

“Don’t ask dumb questions, Dameron”

“Then could you please just trust me that this isn’t some immature decision? And that I really need this?” She was looking at his face intensely, trying to read what it is all about really. She trusted him with her life, but she also knew him enough to know that he often got carried away by his own emotions.

“Let me consider this”

“Alright. That’s all I’m asking. Thank you, General” With that he was out of the door in seconds. If she really agrees for him to go, he had a lot of sorting out before he leaves. He missed that feeling like nothing else, having a purpose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no chill so as I've finished this chapter I had to immediately post it.   
> I think writing flashbacks for Ben and Poe is the true reason I've decided to start this fic.   
> Just to clarify, in the story Poe is 33, Ben is 31 and Rey is 21. In that flashback Poe is 16, Ben 14.
> 
> Hope you will enjoy this chapter and if you did, let me know!  
> Okay, byeee.

_17 years earlier_

After years spend on Chandrila he still couldn’t get over how beautiful this planet was. Hill after hill he sometimes just wandered around without much of a purpose to just enjoy the surroundings. Often he couldn’t just stay inside with knowledge that out there the endless greenery is waiting for him. It just felt claustrophobic. The last thing he was able to do was study another chapter of aero dynamics locked in his room. He gathered what he needed and went to his favorite hill. It wasn’t far, barely few minutes walk from his location.

He just wasn’t expecting that someone already was hanging out at his spot. The boy was laying on the grass, eyes closed, arms crossed under his head. Wild locks of black hair slightly messed up by the wind. He was so calm and peaceful that Poe didn’t recognize him for a second.

“Your highness, may I rest close to your highnesisity?” He was pretty sure highnesisity wasn’t a real word but he was kind of proud of his remark anyway. Which you could see written all over his face practically glowing from smugness. Ben just cracked one eye open and looked directly at his intruder.

“Kriff off, Dameron” He closed his eyes again and for a split second Poe thought that he was being serious. “Just sit your ass down” Ben sighed loudly noticing that his intruder haven’t moved an inch from his spot. It was all Poe needed to promptly lay on the grass beside young Solo.

“Thought you went with your mom to that _important_ meeting on Ryloth.”

“Yeah, right. Apparently my attitude wasn’t something that Leia wanted to deal with on that trip.” His face fell a little and Poe saw how he was clenching his jaw. There was more to this story, that’s for sure.

“What did you do?”

“Get born, probably” Ben and his parents weren’t on best conditions last couple of months. Well, they never were on perfect conditions but few months ago something changed and even Poe wasn’t sure what exactly had happened. “Dad is away again, I just wanted to go with him instead of another vapid meeting with even more vapid people.”

“And how did you actually say this to your mom?”

“Oh, right. You too. Sure, just act like the only thing I can do is yell at people and make them feel bad. Thank you very much, Dameron.”

“Not exactly what I meant so calm your self-pity horses, Solo” At some point of this conversation they both stood up so Poe sat down again and propped up his arms on his knees. “Come on, don’t act like I don’t know Leia. She needs more that this to start a fight” Ben sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. Poe was no fool and Solo knew that. Leia was one of the most calm parents he’s ever met and he saw with his own eyes how much shit Ben put her through and she rarely got mad.

“No, seriously. I just told her that I don’t want to go with her on another boring meeting, that I want to go with dad on his job and visit uncle Lando.” He shrugged and sat down next to Poe, calming down visibly. The anger and hurt in his eyes disappearing. “That was all it took. Then dad joined in and they started fighting. I only heard something about my _bad attitude_ before I left and came down here.”

“And how long have you been there?”

“I don’t know. Like three hours maybe? The coast probably is clear by now but I didn’t feel like going home yet” He shrugged again and mindlessly picked on some grass, twirling it around his fingers. “But anyway, what are you doing here? Thought you have some big exam coming”

“Yeah, I do. Aero dynamics” Solo prompted with his hand for him to continue since what he’s just said didn’t actually answered his question. “I came here to study actually. That’s _my_ hiding place, buddy” Ben raised one eyebrow looking at him like he said something incredibly stupid.

“If I remember correctly, and I do, believe me. _I_ showed you this spot, buddy.” He chuckled lightly, but his eyes were full on smiling even if his face didn’t catch up yet. “So this means this is actually _my_ spot that I kindly let you use.” Poe showed him lightly taking Ben by surprise so he had to lean on his arm to not fall over on his back.

“You can be such a jerk sometimes, Solo. I swear if it wasn’t for my future career possibilities thanks to knowing general’s son I will abandon your ass long time ago.” Ben theatrically gasped, clutching his chest and all that act and looked at Poe wide-eyed.

“So are you using me? How dare you! I thought what we have is real!” He dramatically got up and started to leave Poe behind until he couldn’t hold it anymore and they both broke down in laughter. Ben actually bending in half laughing in that silent way of his. He turned around and sat down next to Poe. They were just smiling like idiots for next couple of minutes. Sitting in silence was never uncomfortable for them, like they could spend long hours just doing their things and not exchanging single word and it was okay. But something was bothering Ben today, and Poe could tell it after a minute around him.

“So, what’s really going on?” He asked, thinking that young Solo would never tell him anything on his own and he always needed at least a little push.

“What do you mean? Nothing” Ben shrugged but refused to look at Poe, playing with fabric of his pants instead.

“Come on. I’m not stupid, you know?” He bumped him lightly with his arm, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Well…” Ben raised his arms in that ‘I’m not so sure’ manner.

“Solo, for kriff’s sake I will strangle you” Poe responded warningly. He gave Ben all the time he wanted, never pushed him to confessions if he wasn’t ready. But that thing was hanging above his head for long months now and it was visibly making him go insane. So Poe had to knew what was wrong. He bumped into him one more time to prompt him to talk.

“Fine. You win” He crossed his long legs and turned a little in Poe’s direction. “You know how I have been trying to convince dad to let me go to New Academy?” He waited for Poe to nod that he in fact knows this “Well, for some reason the idea of me piloting a ship someday repulses him to that level that they’ve made a different plan with Leia.” He took a deep breath like he was getting ready to say something that can hardly get out of his mouth. “They want to send me to Luke.”

“What? Why? You aren’t force sensitive.”

“Apparently Leia can sense some force in me” He shrugged again looking just done with everything. Poe could never understand how his parents could make him feel so out of control of his faith. Like he didn’t have a voice in the most crucial decisions about his life. They didn’t listen to him or his needs, the only thing he could do was rebel against them. And that usually ended in fight and nothing was resolved. “She always did even before I was born. And she thinks my _temper_ might be just the fact that I can’t communicate with the force properly. So Luke will set me straight.”

“And what your dad thinks about it?”

“At first I thought he was all for that idea, you know? He let Leia talk, didn’t interrupt her once, nodded in all right moments. But today during that fight they’ve had he said to Leia something about enforcing everything on me according to her image and now I’m not so sure that he agrees with her.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine Han wanting you to become mumbo jumbo wizard.”

“But that’s the thing. He doesn’t want me to be a pilot, he doesn’t want me to be a smuggler, turns out jedi is not enough for him either. Then what the kriff he wants from me?” Poe shrugged, not really knowing what to respond to this. Han was a mystery for him. He seemed like a pretty chill guy but as a father he was full of contradictions and Poe could never figure out how he will behave in different situations. The sat in silence for a moment, Ben gathering his thoughts and Poe figuring out what to say next.

“So, when do they plan on sending you to Luke?”

“Well, Leia was ready to pack my bags and throw me out of the house the moment they’ve told me all about this. But I convinced them to let me at least finish school so I would’ve a proper education if it turns out I’m shit at using force.”

“Two years then?”

“Yeah, more or less.” In two years Poe will be already out of Chandrilla, probably working for New Republic as a pilot. He sometimes wondered what will happen if he leaves Ben all by himself. But he never thought that it will be Ben who leaves him. Poe met Luke once and after years of learning about him in Academy he was honestly tired of all that legend talking. When he met him in person he hadn’t saw that legend everyone was talking about. Luke was just a regular man, awkward like Ben, a little uptight and the way he was talking reminded him of decades old teachers that saw everything in their lives. But he was like what, thirty something? He definitely didn’t like the way that he was talking to Ben, like trying to start a fight, to test his temper.

“That’s a long time then. Maybe they will change their minds.” Poe tried to sound at least a little bit comforting.

“Yeah” Ben smiled barely, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Poe wanted to help somehow, to shake his parents so they would see how miserable their decisions make their own son and if they don’t get a grip on themselves they will soon lose him for good.

After few minutes of silence Ben offered to help Poe study for his exam and they settled into their normal dynamic.

* * *

_Now_

She carefully opened her last portion of food. She’d saved the ones she earned last time as long as she could but last couple of days she had been trapped inside the ship. She couldn’t scavenge for any parts or work on her ship since there was sandstorm outside so bad that she didn’t want to risk going outside. The worst was she couldn’t predict how long sandstorm will last and she was completely unprepared for any amount of days longer than just a few. She thankfully managed to repair the water supply on the ship before the lockout so at least she won’t die here out of dehydration.

The insides of the ship were spotless already, she’d probably cleaned every surface she could by this point. The cockpit had all the buttons and knobs neatly polished, the seats were washed and the leather was oiled. Everything looked almost brand new, not like the rusty piece of junk she saw first time she entered it. The insides suggested like someone really didn’t care about that ship, everything from floor to the ceiling was dirty, dusty and neglected but the heart was totally different story. It’s hard to tell how she knew that the last owner really loved this piece of junk just by looking at how the cables were connected or how every part of an engine was oiled well. But she just knew that they cared about that ship deeply. If it wasn’t for crash landing that no doubt damaged some engines she as sure this ship would fly unbothered for next dozen of years.

After cleaning and fixing every possible part she had nothing else to do and honestly waiting for sandstorm to end was making her a little crazy. She hated being alone with her thoughts, always having something to do she wasn’t trapped inside her own mind much time most of the days. But when she was stuck in one place she began thinking. Mostly about the different life she could have if she wasn’t stuck on this planet. That usually lead to thinking about her family, the one she’d never really had. The parents she barely remembered that only left that burning hole inside her that she couldn’t quite fix. She was equally hating them as longing for their comeback. Which only made her even more confused because it’s been 15 years since they left her here, the chances for their return were as high as her surviving on Jakku to her elderly age. And she still waited. Carefully observing every new person that came to this planet, looking into their faces for any sign of familiarity. The hope for them coming back and need to get out of this planet were battling every day and even if she was nearly finished with repairing her ship she still wasn’t sure she will have guts to actually leave.

After another three days locked in her stomach was gurgling loudly every hour, she had been mostly sleeping to save up energy but it didn’t change the fact that she was bored out of her mind for rest of the time. And hungry. So, so hungry. But after two days the sandstorm stopped. The sun was shining brightly again, and out of the window she could see he absolute mess that it had left behind. Unintentionally she saw her own reflection in one of the panels and oh Maker, she looked absolutely terrifying. She hadn’t had the strength to wash for last couple of days and her hair was greasy mess, he clothes stank and had oil stains all over her beige material. But the actual nightmare was her face. She was sickeningly pale, grey even. Her cheeks were hollow and jaw weirdly pointy. She had always been too skinny but never like that. She had troubles breathing and walking, every move exhausting her. The only thing she could do was pack all the spare parts she’s found on this ship and that she would be able to sell for food and hope to not pass out on her way.

She hang the bag over her shoulder and opened the ship’s door. The sun was blinding and the heat coming from outside nearly knocked her down. But this was her last chance, she had to go to Plutt or else her worst nightmare would come true and she will die on this planet. Except that she wasn’t moving, something inside her made her wait. She felt some presence just a few feet away from her and it made her go on alert mode. She raised her staff ready to fight of any scum. After just one step someone appeared behind her landing with a soft thump, Rey had no idea how this happened. Before she could turn around the barrel of a blaster was dug between her shoulder blades.

“Drop that stick and keep moving, sweetheart” Man’s voice was weird, deep and demanding but also mechanical? For a second she wondered if it wasn’t just some bounty hunting droid but at the same time she could hear that he was breathing. Before she obeyed his order she weighted her chances on knocking him down before he gets to shoot her. But looking at her condition she had slim chances of even being able to turn around. She did as he told her and threw her staff far from the ramp of the ship.

“I have no money or food if that’s what you are looking for” The man urged her steps down the ramp until her feet touched the sand again, something that she wasn’t able to do in so long.

“You have something else I need” He offered no other explanation as they were standing in the middle of the desert. When she got close enough to the staff she threw earlier she risked her chances and bend down to pick it up before the man could shoot his blaster. Rey used her weapon to knock him off his feet and stomped on his hand to make him let go of his blaster. She end of her staff landed on his throat and now she had the opportunity to get good look of the stranger. He was wearing a mask, weirdly looking one. It was black and sleek but it looked handmade somehow. He was wearing all black, plain black shirt and black leather jacket, with black fitting trousers and heavy boots. To top it all even his holsters were black. He was tall, even when he was laying on the ground she could tell that. He was also well-built or just huge in general, she couldn’t tell. But the clothes he was wearing looked expensive. What man like that was doing on this desert she had no idea. She dug her staff a little harder into his throat to make her point that she wasn’t one to not take seriously.

“Who are you? What do you want from me?” She raised her voice to appear like someone he should be scared of. The only thing she didn’t expect was the heat mixed up with starvation and excessive effort would drain her completely. Her vision started to blur and before she could do anything her knees gave out on her and right before she hit the ground she could feel a strong hand under her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The look for for Ben I had in my head was that post-makeover look Ben had in The Knights of Ren #3.   
> But now here comes the question, should i give him a beard or not? He won't take off his helmet for a while but i just don't know. What do you guys think?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the awful delay, guys. I had some serious blockage when it came to that chapter, I kept rewriting it again and again and it was awful every time. But I think it's okay-ish now?  
> I've made a poll to decide whether Ben should have a beard or not and unfortunately (for me, a beardlo fan) we are going with clean faced bby.
> 
> If you like the story so far, let me know! I would love some feedback :)

Waiting patiently was never his strong suit and Leia knew that damn well. That’s why he thought her delay with giving him answer to his last request was just another way to punish him for insubordination. Little did he know how hard this decision was on Leia and her fear of losing yet another person in her life, another son.

When she finally came to him he was all but ready to combust from the amounts of stress and uncertainty he had to deal with for the last few days. He was overthinking whole case to that point that the nightmares with Ben stopped and got replaced by random snippets of his life that somehow made him even more anxious.

Leia’s expression was unreadable when she approached him in the hangar and he was this close to yelling at her to break the news finally, even if he knew it would only get him in trouble. He stood up from under his X-wing and wiped his greasy hands on rag he tied up through belt loop of his pants. BB-8 shocked by sudden absence of his owner made a concerned sound few feet behind them. When he spotted that it was only General he beeped happily few times and rolled closer to them.

“Good morning, General” He straightened his back and tied his hands behind. Leia nodded to him in acknowledgment and motioned for him to relax.

“I have made a decision. It wasn’t an easy one, believe me.” Poe squashed down the sudden urge to groan at her rejection, thinking it will only put them in bad speaking conditions again. Instead he nodded hanging his head low with BB’s accompanied sad beep. Leia stared at him for a second quizzically before she spoke again. “As much I need the best person on that mission as I don’t want to risk my best person’s life in such a crucial moment. Do you understand my dilemma?”

“I do, General.”

“Good, then. If you disobey even the smallest order of mine I will make sure that laser brain of yours won’t see the insides of the cockpit for the rest of your life.” Poe’s head snapped upwards at that completely surprised at what Leia was implicating.

“What?” He only managed to get out, mouth agape.

“No funny business, Poe. I mean it.” She seemed to completely ignore his bafflement. “This mission is too important for you to show off. I can’t let you get hurt. I need your presence here too much.” Poe gained his composure enough to not stare at her and react properly at what she was saying.

“Thank you, General. I will do whatever I can to complete this mission.” She looked at him expectantly and urged him to continue. “No funny bussines.” He swore with serious expression. He might sometimes be a laserbrain in Leia’s eyes but he gets it when things get serious and this is definitely a crucial moment in Resistance’s history.

“Come to my quarters in half an hour, we will go over the details.” He nodded and watched as she exited the hangar. BB rolled in front of him, bumping lightly into his legs to get his attention. He beeped few times and rolled back and forth in anticipation.

“Of course you will go with me, buddy.” He said matter-of-factly and threw the rag he wasn’t aware he was holding the entire time to the nearest bin.

* * *

When he was on his way to his quarters to change before going to Leia he met Kaydel and Rose arguing over something on the hall. He contemplated for a second whether he should approach them and share the news or quickly get out of the view and not interrupt their banter. BB made the decision for him though happily rolling to Rose and Kaydel and beeping loudly. The presence of a droid was dead giveaway of Poe walking near behind so he sighed deeply before going after him. At least it’s stopped their discussion.

“Poe for kriff’s sake change his oils. He is squeaking like crazy” Rose said as she spotted him trailing behind his droid. Poe shrugged at that, not really hearing any squeaking noises before, but he will look into it later.

“Maybe later. I’m heading to General’s quarters now.”

“She let you go?” Kaydel asked. She didn’t really look pleased at that, she didn’t say anything but he could see it in her eyes and the way she stiffened immediately.

“Let go where?” Rose furrowed her brows in confusion. Besides Kaydel he didn’t really share that he volunteered for the mission to others. He knew Snap and Paige applied for the job too.

“I’m going to Jakku to find our contact.” Poe announced to Rose, straightening up a little in defense mode.

“Oh, Paige will be pissed. We didn’t even know you applied so she was really counting on it.” Poe shrugged. He didn’t know how to respond to that. He was well aware that he only got this job because of his private visit to Leia’s quarters when he nearly begged her for it. But on the other side, since it was suicide mission anyway, wasn’t he doing them a favor?

“Yeah, well. General announced the news to me few minutes ago. She wants me to go to her now and go over the details.” Kaydel was awfully quiet this entire time, refusing to even look at him, staring down at her hands instead. He wasn’t sure what all of this was about. She was usually pretty straight-forward if something was bothering her. He will have to talk to her later about it though. He quickly excused himself and promised to talk to them tomorrow and with a wave of the hand he was on his way again.

* * *

After quick shower and change of clothes he was ready to go and in front of Leia’s door in seconds. He knocked lightly and after the door opened he made his way inside. She was wearing purple blouse and white long vest over it.

“You wanted to see me, General” He announced as he walked closer to her desk and after she motioned to him to sit he did so.

“Drop the ‘general’, Dameron. This is a family meeting.” He was actually more scared of this type of meeting. Knowing damn well that Leia as a family member was far more scary than a general. “Every minute since I have decided to let you go on that mission I’m wondering how much your mother would want to strangle me right now.” He inadvertently let out a chuckle at that which only made Leia furrow her brows at him and threaten her finger in his direction. “Nothing funny about that. I need you to come back absolutely unharmed. Do you understand me?” He nodded at that, expression serious again. “Over my dead body I’m losing my second son, Poe.” Her features softened after that sentence. She didn’t need to say anything more, he didn’t need to respond. The silence in the room spoke for them. There were times after Ben left that made Poe go to the only person who would understand his struggle. They were keeping things very professional around other people, but more than 10 years ago, barely 20 something years old Poe was crying on Leia’s lap clutching to her like she was the only person to keep him intact. They both cried that day, as Leia was stroking his hair saying all that words of encouragement he needed, he could hear in her voice that she was choking back tears too. But he didn’t dare to look up. It was only first of many days of crying that came after and even if they were close before, that was what brought them really close. That’s why she could just look at him and he knew immediately what was on her mind.

“I will be fine, Leia. I promise. I will come back without a scratch.” He assures giving her soft smile that could only tell her that he isn’t taking this whole case lightly. She responds to that with a nod and takes out the holo projector from the drawer. When she turns it on she shows him the possible location of their contact and a few details about him.

“A stormtrooper?” He asks confused. He thought stormtroopers were all out of the picture since the Empire ended. The rebelling stormtrooper made even less sense since they all were just order obeying clones.

“I was surprised myself but as far as I know this new organization raised its own army of new stormtroopers that aren’t clones.”

“What do you mean raised?”

“Exactly what I’m saying, Poe. This thing has been going under our noses for at least 16 years. How they managed to convince parents to let their kids join this new Empire is unknow, yet.”

“It’s terrible, how this could happen? How did _we_ let that happen?” Leia only shakes her head with resignation. Probably asking the same questions herself since she’d found out about this.

“Now you know why this matter is such an urgent thing. We have to stop this before it gets bigger than we can handle.”

“I understand, General.”

They go over few more details, setting up an official date for him to go and making a draft of their game plan for this mission. After they finish it’s already too late for him to go to Kaydel, thinking she is probably asleep by now. He will have to catch her in the morning, hopefully for a longer talk since he plans on going two days from today.

* * *

As he enters his quarters he feels too agitated to go to sleep yet. He decides to at least clear out his holo mail and maybe oil up BB-8 so Rose wouldn’t nag him tomorrow. Speaking of Rose, he’s just now acknowledged that she’s sent him a message that wasn’t at all work related.

The subject of the message was all but unprofessional.

**Topic: Masked Smuggler is a hottie and you can’t do anything about it.**

He chuckled at that, the message visibly lifting his mood at least a little. Inside the message were various links to holovids from news, all of them titled with different combinations of “hottie” in it. He wasn’t going to watch this videos at first but this ridiculous topic seemed to take his mind off things and maybe he should have at least have a little fun. 

He picked the “hottie caught on Canto Bight” one as it was first on the list. It was just a video of Masked Smuggler playing some card game with a few shady men around him. It wasn’t anything extraordinary until one of the guys next to him got angry and tried to punch him. Masked smuggler reacted before the other men managed to raise his hand up and he quickly go him pinned to the table twisting his arm behind his back. He said something but person who took the video wasn’t close enough to catch this. But you could see how snarl turned into fear on the guys’ face and after masked smuggler let him go he quickly ran away.

The second video title “hottie showing some guns” showed him getting out of his ship. Still that old YT-2000 that he’s seen before. Poe started wondering how is it possible that he could do such a cool tricks with a piece of junk like it. As he was walking you could see that his hand was already resting on his holster, casually but not really. As he could finally see his whole figure Poe had to admit that dude probably wasn’t 60 like he previously assumed. He was tall and muscular, his whole posture massive like a tree. His clothes were black and looked really expensive, beside his mask that somehow looked like a kid’s made it. His steps were sure and a little too showoff for his liking. Like he was playing a part, not really being himself. In no seconds the shots were fired at the smuggler, but he was much quicker drawing his blaster out of the holster and shooting it a few times. With just a few moments the shots were coming at him from only one place, as he probably shoot down the rest of bounty hunters. But when he tried to shoot again his blaster died leaving him unarmed. He raised his hands in a capitulation and dropped his blaster to the floor. In no time the triumphing bounty hunter was behind him tying his hands behind. Poe had a feeling that this wasn’t over and he was right indeed. As they were walking down the ramp of his ship, masked smuggler said something that made the bounty stop for just a second but it was all he needed to turn around and tangle man’s hands into his own leather jacket. Poe didn’t even notice when he shrugged it off enough to get bounty’s hands with a blaster completely knotted. Then he head butted him and the noise itself made Poe flinch for poor’s guy head. He somehow got out of the handcuffs, Poe could see how his arms strained in effort trying to get out of his jacket too. It got ripped in the process so he just left it there and used his foot to throw the bounty out of the ramp. He had the nerve to just shrug at the guy’s body and go back to his ship.

Rest of the videos was similar kind. Masked Smuggler just being impossibly dramatic douche, acting like nothing can hurt him. Like he is invincible or something. Poe couldn’t shake off the feeling that he’s seen this kind of dumbassery before but in a different person. He just couldn’t place it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I suck at scheduled updates lately. It's just that Sunday always takes me by surprise and I forget to write.   
> I'm sorry but here is more than 3000 words of uninterrupted banter between Rey and Kylo so that's my apology. 
> 
> As always if you liked let me know <3

Rey refused to open her eyes for a long time after she’d woken up. Facing the reality was never one of her strengths and this time she was sure when she opens her eyes it will be all over. Her ship, her dreams to escape this desert, her hard work and all belongings. It would be gone for hours already and she can’t do anything about it. So she just laid in place, her eyes tightly shut, tiny tear rolled from the corner of her eye more from the pressure she put on her eyelids than emotions. She should be used to it by now, to losing things she’d always wanted, but she was just a stupid girl and her stupid hope was all she had.

After a while she realized that it was awfully quiet outside. No wind or animals making their usual sounds. It was also weirdly cold, this kind of temperature never occurred on Jakku. That and hauntingly good smell of food finally made her open her eyes. She wasn’t laying on the sand as she thought she was. As she looked around she could definitely tell that she was in her ship. Cold surface of the metal floor making her shiver she couldn’t tell how long had she been laying there. Confusion quickly vanished as she heard footsteps approaching her. Only now she noticed that one of her hands was handcuffed to the pipe next to her. She cursed under her breath as escape wasn’t an option now. The stranger was already walking through the hall and she had no real weapon on her. _Think, Rey. Think._ She thought to herself looking around the ship for anything that she could use now. Her eyes landed on a lone screwdriver that must had fallen from her hands one day and rolled under the panel. She reached for it and hid it behind her back as the stranger walked into the room.

He was carrying tray with food that looked and smelled insanely delicious. She transfixed on it for a second before her instincts kicked in and she reached for screwdriver behind her closing her hand around it but not showing it to the stranger yet.

“Who are you?” Was the first thing she asked, as he put the tray down and slid it closer to her. She didn’t react to it, not even daring to look at it too afraid she wouldn’t be able to look away from the bowl of steaming soup and bread that almost looked like freshly baked. She tried food that wasn’t a disgusting portion only once and sometimes she could still taste it if she strained her memory hard enough. She knew her ship had a working kitchen, so oddly nice looking in this rusty piece of junk, but she never had any ingredients to cook in it. Or any skills to do so if she was being honest with herself.

“Eat” Stranger only responded to her question. He pointed to the food with his gloved finger and sat down on the box opposite her. Promptly waiting for her to obey his order.

“Who are you?” She repeated her question still ignoring the most amazing meal she’d ever seen laying so near her she could almost taste it.

“Eat” He said again sighing quietly although his mask made it sound much louder than he intended probably. She was still glaring daggers at him not moving for even an inch. “We can do this all day, sweetheart. But I will probably win since I’m not the one who passed out from starvation.” If she wasn’t so stubborn she would probably listen to him but he had no idea who he was dealing with.

“Who are you?” She asked for the last time with much more harsher tone that made it sound like she would rather die if it meant she would win the argument.

“I’m just a smuggler, alright?” He answered finally with resignation in his voice. “Eat for Maker’s sake” She nodded and reached for the food, not really satisfied with the answer but knowing she won’t get more out of him.

She had no words for how good this food was and any questions died in her mouth as she was too occupied with memorizing every flavor that hit her taste buds. And she had a million questions and half of them were about the food that he gave her. She focused on eating instead, all but savoring the meal not really controlling the sounds that escaped her. If the stranger cared or was disgusted by it, he didn’t let it show. The last bite of bread she used to clean the bowl with, not letting any drop go to waste. She put the tray down and looked up at the man who quickly looked away and got up. He took the tray to the kitchen, giving Rey time to pick up the screwdriver again and hide it under her crossed legs. He came back a minute later and sat down on the same box he had been sitting on before.

“What do you want from me?” She asked as she regained her confidence. She had no idea how to act, the behavior of this man confused her so much. He pointed a blaster at her few hours before, he handcuffed her to the pipe but he wasn’t mean to her, and he made her a meal.

“Look, sweetheart. I admit we didn’t start on best conditions but you are kind of occupying my property so that’s on you.” She looked at him incredulously, not buying his bantha’s shit for even a second.

“This is _my_ ship, you buckethead.” She spat in his direction. Hand already wrapped around the screwdriver ready to poke his eyes out if he as much as tried to take her ship away.

“I don’t think so.” He snorted loudly bending forward to rest his forearms on his lap. The leather jacket he was wearing made a squeaking sound with his every move. Now that she had the time to really look at the stranger she thought that she should be scared of him, looking at his massive figure comparing to her petite one. He could probably take her down with only one hand and the fact that she managed to get him off his feet was only with incredible luck on her account. He was not only tall like a tree but also built like one, black leather on his forearms only exaggerating his broadness.

“You should have killed me when you had the chance because I’m not leaving this ship alive” Her hand only tightened on the weapon. The man snorted again, which started to really annoy her guts how he wasn’t taking her seriously at all. She sat a little more straight like she could make herself more intimidating by it.

“Killed you? I think you mistake me for someone. I’m not a murderer” He got up from his spot and came closer to her, squatting barely few feet away from her. “I’m just a criminal” She could swore he was smiling smugly under that mask of his, even if she couldn’t see his face. Rey used his moment of stupidity for coming so near her to stab him with her screwdriver wherever she could reach. The man seemed to expect that from her though and to her surprise before she could as much as extend her hand he grabbed her wrist with one gloved hand and took out the screwdriver with the other. He actually laughed looking at her weapon.

“Come on, scavenger. I mean no harm to you.” It sounded less believable when he had a mask on and held her hostage in her own ship.

“Then why did you handcuff me?”

“Because you tried to kill me. Twice.” He got up and created some space between them the anger in him visibly raising.

“Bullshit” She spat back, already too irritated with this absurd situation to care.

“Believe what you want.” There was a silence after this. Both too stubborn to solve this now. The man decided that arguing with her is pointless, so he walked out of the room leaving her alone. She could hear some rustling in the kitchen followed by loud crash of probably a bowl shattering on metal floor.

She was sitting there for a few minutes before the man came back with a glass of water. He extended his hand and waited for her to take it. She chose to ignore his hand and stared at the floor instead. He sighed loudly, already too tired of her to fight and just put the glass next to her.

“Alright, if I uncuff you would you stop trying to kill me?” He took a deep breath like he was getting ready for another round again but was also too tired to fight. At this point she was only annoyed that she couldn’t see his expression and that she was talking to a damn mask guessing whether or not the man was lying to her or not.

“No” She decided that this whole conversation was going to play out on her conditions since he was the one that wanted something from her.

“Then what do you want?” The man asked with irritation in his voice.

“Will you answer my questions?

“Depends” He shrugged lightly, voice a bit more gentle than before. She wanted to laugh at how confused she was making this man, and she was the one handcuffed to her own ship.

“Depends on what?” She looked at him intensely, her brows furrowed, eyes showing no sign of a defiance. 

“Which questions.”

“Fine” She rattled handcuffs at that, raising both hands in surrender to show she will not try to kill him again. Well, let the man think that at least.

“Fine” He got up from his spot and took out the keys he had hid in back pocket of his pants. He kept watching her, expecting another attack more than not. She didn’t move though, let him uncuff her. When he freed her wrist she massaged it with her other hand, cold fingers soothing bruise that have already formed there. As he was backing up he looked at her wrist and hung his head a little. Like he felt bad for causing it? She couldn’t tell. He sat cross-legged opposite her on the floor and motioned to the glass of water he gave her earlier. She took it now, without an argument and drank the whole thing in one big gulp. She put the glass down and turned more in his direction.

“What’s your name?” She knew he wouldn’t answer that probably but she could try at least.

“No”

“Who are you?” She decided that annoying him was way more funny than not.

“No”

“Why are you wearing a mask?” At that question he chuckled, shaking his head a little.

“To hide who I am. It’s not that complicated, sweetheart.”

“Alright. Then why do you want to take my ship?”She was really getting annoyed by that _sweetheart_ stuff. It made her think that he was just some another man treating her like she is just some object.

“Not your ship. Again. And I want it back, because it belonged to someone important to me.” That’s probably the most she will get out of him at this point. But she wasn’t really satisfied with this answer either. She was the one who found this ship, she took care of it and she won’t give it to some random criminal. Everything in her life was eventually took away from her, but not this. Not the ship that she worked for long hours on, not her only way out.

“Well _I_ fixed it and made it look like it’s not complete piece of junk so I think it belongs to me now.” She didn’t notice when she got up but he shortly after followed. She tried to appear scary but he ruined the moment, when he towered over her like that. The man pointed a finger towards her and spoke angrily.

“Wrong. You just crashed in it for a while. It still doesn’t belong to you.”

“Then who does it belong to?” She asked turning her head to the side and looking defiantly at him. She meant with this question for him to slip, to give her information that he shouldn’t. She wanted to use his anger against him.

“Me” He said surely throwing his hands into the air and storming out of the room. She shortly followed.

“Not you, buckethead. How am I supposed to know you are not just a thief that is trying to rob me?”

“You don’t. But I came to this wasteland to get my ship and I’m not leaving without it” He kept pacing around the dining area throwing daggers at her. “Why do you need it, anyway? It’s not like you will use it. It’s a transporting ship.”

“But I have found it, I fixed it, I cleaned it and I took care of it. That’s why it belongs to me.” She said as she motioned for him to look around the ship that looked probably better than ever before. All thanks to her. “I’m planning on leaving this wasteland, as you said, and you’re not going to stop me”

“Leaving? Scavenger, I can drop you off at any planet you want. You don’t need to hoard this ship for it.”

“It’s _mine_.” She growled at him this time. Fed up with his absurd argument. He just wanted to steal from her, like everyone. Leave her with nothing.

“You know I can just take it, right? Throw you out and fly away?”

“Then why didn’t you?” She challenged not breaking their eye contact for even a second. She was no fool, he wasn’t going to hurt her, and he said so himself.

“I don’t know. Maybe I should.” He spat back and turned away from her. He approached the sofa where there was Dejarik table. He let his fingers touch the surface of the board and he stood there for a second. Just looking at the table and thinking. “Fine, I will pay you for it. I don’t have to, since legally speaking it’s mine but whatever. Just say the price.” He said finally as he sat on the sofa and propped his forearms on the table.

“You say it belonged to someone important to you. Who was it?” She completely ignored his offer. Thinking it’s better than argue with him again over how much he didn’t understand what she had in mind when she’d said that this ship is _hers._

“It belonged to someone from my family and since the last owner of it died and this ship has been in my family for years I need it back.” His voice was much more gentle now. Either too fed up with fighting with her or sincerely wanting to make a deal with her. Nevertheless something changed in the room.

“Family? So you know Ben?” Her heart skipped a bit as she’d said that. All his talking about him owning the ship made her think that maybe he just won it in a bet or something and now wanted to collect his price. It never occurred to her that he could be the real owner of the ship. Maybe a cousin of the sweet poet, or friend of the family. The possibilities were endless, but she got excited over the idea that he could tell her more. What happened to the boy, where is he now. She couldn’t find any older holovid of him after he turned 10 and the dates on the poems suggested that he stopped writing them when he was 17.

“What… How do you…”

“Not important” She quickly cut him off, not wanting to get into this too much since she still haven’t trusted this man. “Do you know Ben?” She asked again with hope in her eyes. Much more hopeful that she intended.

“I did.” He admitted after a while. He was visibly battling with himself whether he should answer her question or just throw her out at this moment. But he answered and if only she could see his face she would see how much his expression changed the minute she mentioned Ben.

“You did?” She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

“Ben is dead.” Came out of his mouth, and she could swore that she blacked out for a moment. She didn’t expect that. Ben was still just a boy in her eyes, the one that words accompanied her through the lonely nights on Jakku. With time he became this mystical figure in her head, she liked to imagine all the different scenarios that could happen to him. But not that, definitely not that. “He died a long time ago”

“What? No…” Was all she managed to say as she felt the walls pushing on her making her breath heavily. Rey couldn’t collect her thoughts enough to say anything but the stranger understood somehow. He let her take her time. Not really comprehending the situation and how this girl from nowhere could know Ben, but he could sense how much this news affected her. They were sitting in silence for a long time before he spoke up again.

“Do you believe me now?” He asked in a soft voice, as much as mechanical voice could allow his voice to sound soft.

“No.” Rey answered honestly, but without a vile in her voice. They were done fighting for now. “Can you at least tell me how I should call you?” He chuckled a little at that. Like her stubbornness was amusing to him.

“Kylo. You can call me Kylo” He gave out at last, shrugging a little. He slumped down on the sofa more, already drained after this tiring day.

“Is it a made-up name?” She asked looking at him with resignation.

“Of course it is.”

“Okay, then.” She shrugged too, not really caring at this point what his real name was. He was curious who was hiding behind that mask though, that’s for sure. But little steps. Since he’d said that he needs to hide his identity maybe it was better that she didn’t know it.

“How I should call _you_?” He asked after a minute, just now realizing that for the past hour he had been addressing her with only pet names and it never occurred to him to actually ask for her name.

“Rey.” She replied simply. Not really troubling herself with devising a fake name. It’s not like the man would know the difference anyway.

“Is it a made-up name too?”

“You will never know, Kylo”

“Fair point, Rey”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay, it's just I wasn't in the right place mentally to focus on other things than work lately and if it wasn't fo r the amazing gc fanfic struggle squad i would probably abandon this fic. But it didn't happen! Yay!
> 
> So, sorry again for radio silence but i hope you will enjoy this chapter one way or another.   
> Byeeeeee.

After weeks spent inside her ship going out into the desert, even if fed and rested, felt agonizing. She forgot how burning the sun could be on Jakku and it only made her wish to escape from here more than before. The dark figure of Kylo was following her out of the ship, even if she insisted on taking care of her business on her own. He didn’t trust her, she could tell. Reading his expressions was hard when his face was covered by that awful mask but she knew. She could feel it. And it wasn’t like she trusted him, she was honestly battling with herself every damn minute to not throw him out and leave him on Jakku. But something made her restrain herself. Maybe it was the fact that he knew Ben and she was curious of Kylo because of it. Maybe she had hope that he will tell her more about the boy that she felt so close to or maybe she just wanted some company. She had no idea what she wanted, but life taught her to not overthink, just follow your gut. And to be quite honest her gut was pretty accurate most of the times. That’s why she let Kylo follow her and that’s why despite her many doubts she seriously considered leaving Jakku with him. Not giving him her ship, of course. Over her dead body he will touch something that she’d been working so hard on for months. But let him think what he will.

“How can you live here? Maker, it’s like thousand degrees out” His voice snapped her out of her thoughts and of course he was already complaining. She decided to ignore his question and just kept walking although the heat was hard on her too after weeks in much cooler ship. “Where are we going anyway?”

“I told you, the ship is not finished yet. We need few more parts to even start it again. It got hit pretty hard when it fell down there”

“And why can’t we just buy these parts?”

“Because we don’t have credits”

“I do”

“Yeah, I figured.” She looked him up and down judgingly over her shoulder. His clothes were dead giveaway that he didn’t belong here. Black material of his trousers wasn’t ashy or worn down and his leather jacket was definitely more expensive than she earned her entire life. But the boots were the biggest problem here. People on Jakku would gut him just for the silver chains that hung loosely around his ankles. Not mentioning the high-end black leather, perfectly shined. “But people here don’t.” He looked at her silently. It came as no surprise to her that he wasn’t aware of his privileges, probably used to company of rich and powerful, not scavengers. “Just figure it out, genius” After a minute or so, he decided her reasoning was probably more logical than his and nodded.

“What’s your plan then?” Kylo finally asked, when they were getting closer to their destination. She didn’t want to let people see them together. So when they got close enough to Plutt’s she motioned for him to sit at one of the benches.

“Don’t worry about it. Just don’t draw too much attention. I’ve got this.” She left him then and didn’t even look back. Few of the regulars already glanced at her direction, looking honestly shocked to see her there. She hadn’t showed up here for weeks so the word was probably out that she died during sandstorm. _It takes much more than a damn sandstorm to kill me._ She thought to herself as she held her head high and got closer to Plutt’s. One look inside and she already could see the compensator he told her he’d sold to someone else.

“This fucker. I knew he was lying to me.” She hissed and went back in Kylo’s direction making sure her position would be far enough from him to not bring out much attention. Good thing days in lockdown gave her time to come up with a perfect plan to get the compensator from Plutt and leave him confused enough that he won’t notice something was missing. The only thing she didn’t predict was literal giant in overpriced gear that was following her every step. But everything will work out anyway she just has to make sure he won’t get in her way.

“Stay here” Rey ordered in hushed voice and made sure with her expression that he will understand how serious she was.

“Not to be all up in your business, sweetheart but I think I know more about stealing than you do” He said smugly and took off his gloves, one finger at a time. He was focusing on task more than one’s should.

“Oh yeah? Then how would you do it?” She asked challengingly not really caring what his plan would be. She didn’t have to get to know him that well to know that most of his planning didn’t exist and he was driven by sheer luck.

“Better show you than talk about it” He got up from the bench and walked past her so quickly and unexpectedly than she couldn’t stop him and not draw attention to them at the same time. So she just watched with horror as he was surely making his way past the people. Everyone that he passed was automatically following him with their eyes. He stuck out like a sore thumb and there was no way they would do anything quietly now. 

“Kylo. No.” She managed to get out as she saw him approaching Plutt’s and walking up to the counter. He said something she couldn’t quite catch and then took out of his pocket a bunch of shiny coins and put it in front of Putt. His slime face was somehow lit up by the ugly smile and he handed Kylo some rusty communicator. The masked man began then arguing with Plutt, throwing old communicator back on the counter. It took a second for Plutt’s guards to show up and threaten Kylo with their tasers. He backed out then, hastily collecting his coins from the counter and raising his hands in surrendering gesture but not without some final words in their direction. They motioned to him to get lost and he obeyed without another word. “Oh Maker’s sake.” Rey sighed as he was making his way in her direction.

“What’s your plan now, genius?” She asked annoyed that he wasted so much of their time on his stupid games. She was getting fed up with his arrogant ass constantly trying to prove something.

“It’s part of my plan.” He answered then swiftly dropping something into her pocket as he walked past her.

“Wait, no…” But she couldn’t even finish seeing the guards from before going after Kylo, their tasers ready to use. She patted her pocket and felt something hard jiggling as she moved. Keys. How on hell he did it? When? She had so many questions but also no time to ask them. She understood his plan now and even if it was a lousy one she wasn’t going to ruin it. Without guards around Plutt all she had to do was wait for him to go use the washer and then breaking into his locked cabinet was fairly easy. She worked fast and quietly and compensator was safely tucked under her arm in no time.

* * *

She couldn’t find him. She was circling whole area for more than half an hour now and he was nowhere to be seen. Irrational panic was starting to crawl on her but she couldn’t really express what she was anxious about. It’s not like she needed him, she could now go to her ship, wire up the compensator and be out of Jakku in few hours. He wouldn’t try to take her property away, he wouldn’t destroy her plans and dreams. She didn’t trust him or his intentions and she should expect him to screw her over like everybody does. But did she really? Did she despised him so much to leave him on this desert and not look back? She didn’t know him, like at all. Not ever his name or who he was. But he was nice to her, he could throw her out the minute she passed out but he didn’t. He took care of her, cooked her meal, fed her. Her head began to spin from all of the doubts that washed over her, all emotions that she couldn’t explain. And then she saw him, sitting by her ship, with drops of blood dripping from under his helmet staining his black trousers. She then began to run, seeing he was barely sitting straight on the sand, swaying from side to side.

“You are insane, Kylo” Was the first thing she said as she began examining his wounds from the distance. He took off his jacket as she demanded from him. They got him pretty bad, she could already see that every uncovered part of his body was turning ugly shade of purple. But every time she extended her hand in his direction he moved away. How do you patch up someone who doesn’t let you touch them?

“You’ve got your part?” She huffed out with irritation but nodded eventually. He then proceeded to get up, holding out grunts as much as he was able to. “Then what’s the problem here, sweetheart?”

“Stop calling me that, you buckethead” She got up after him and spat angrily in his direction. Wounded or not, he was still the same asshole.

“Why would I when it’s so obviously bothering you, sweetheart?” Rey lost all the sympathy for the man the minute he decided to tease her. Let him bleed out on this desert for all she cares.

“Kriff off” Was all she’d said before she stormed off back into the ship leaving him behind but she could swear she’d hear him laughing.

* * *

After another argument about helping Kylo patch up his wounds he just locked himself in the washer with few bacta patches and did the job himself. She was so annoyed with him already that she decided food was the only thing that is going to calm her now. Turns out he brought more food than just for one meal and after struggling for few minutes with figuring out what should be cooked and how she opted out for standard portion packs. They ate them in silence, both too irritated with each other to try to keep up conversation. Why should they anyway? It’s just business.

After dinner Kylo insisted on taking care of compensator himself since he’s already done this few times before. Rey was honestly too tired to argue with him and decided to take care of something else that needed her attention. But more than half an hour passed and he was still working on it which made Rey doubt his abilities to finish the job. She stood behind him for barely few seconds and already knew she was right.

“You know you’re connecting wrong wires, right?” She asked, casually leaning on the wall and looking down at him. She was surprised he could get anything done with that mask still on. But he still didn’t put his jacket on, so she was exposed to his massive arms with no bruises left after that bacta patches. She could see how muscles in his forearms tensed with each more intent move of his fingers.

“What?”

“Or are you trying to fry us here on purpose?” Rey chuckled quietly not moving from her spot. He sighed then, focused on his work and sure of himself to the point he thought he is the one being right here.

“I’m connecting them as they should be” Kylo responded surely, still refusing to acknowledge his cluelessness. Maybe thinking that he knew how to wire up compensator but definitely not on old ships like this. That often were so altered by their old owners that nothing was working by the book.

“No, you’re not. Move.” She pushed his shoulder to move him aside and instantly regretted it when the moment her hand touched his skin he already had his fingers wrapped around her wrist warningly. His hold was strong, not enough to hurt her but enough to send a message that she received loud and clear.

“It’s my ship, I know how to do it” He finally lifted his head up only to spat back angrily at her. He didn’t let go of her hand and she didn’t try to pull it out from his grasp. But she was glaring daggers at him and she was sure he was too.

“Do it and then you won’t have a ship” Rey said intently, not looking away from that dead eyes on his mask.

“Fine. What am I doing wrong, then?” Kylo finally gave up after a moment and let go of her hand raising his arms in surrendering gesture. He was no match for her in terms of stubbornness.

“Move” He complied then and got up from his spot only to stand behind her with arms crossed and chest puffed out in pride and anger. “You can’t connect these wires both to compensator. One goes here and one goes there. But you have to take the red one from negator and connect it with compensator.” She explained and Kylo wanted to argue at first. But then he nodded, going over what she’d said for a few moments and accepting she was right after all. Rey continued on work then and he stood there quietly behind her.

“How do you know this?” Kylo asked finally when she got up.

“I took apart more ships looking for parts to sell than you can imagine.”

* * *

“Alright, we are all set.” Rey insisted on checking everything once again to make sure in her starved haze during lockdown she didn’t mess anything up. But everything was working fine and when she finally entered the cockpit she buzzed with excitement. All the fear she had about leaving with Kylo vanished when the opportunity to leave Jakku at all was on sight. She will figure everything out on the way.

“I still have some stuff on my ship.” He was sprawled out on sofa, going over some things on his communicator.

“Then go get it”

“No, no, no. How stupid do you think I am?” Rey all but fought with herself to not respond maliciously but once Kylo saw her expression he just sighed and announced: “You are coming with me”

“Fine, just give me a second. I have to use the washer.” She had no energy to argue with him again and to be honest she didn’t blame him for being cautions. Now that she had the ship all fixed up and ready she could anytime she wanted. He only nodded in response and walked out of the cockpit.

She just exited the washer when she saw him running towards her.

“Start up the engines.” He commanded without a word of explanation about his sudden hurry. He sat down at pilot’s seat and began switching buttons hastily, his hands shaking.

“What? What are you doing?” She hadn’t moved from her place, instead staring at him confusingly.

“Start up the engines. Now!” He yelled, more into the buttons of the ship than in her direction.

“What’s going on?” She asked again coming closer to his seat. He was banging on the panels and pulling levers with such an aggression that she was pretty sure he will break something.

“Come on, you piece of junk. Come on!” She blocked his view then refusing to jump into action until he tells her what’s going on right now.

“Kylo, explain…” She asked pleadingly then, and her soft voice snapped him out of his trans. He looked at her then.

“Rey, can you trust me just once?”

“I don’t know you!” She responded with nothing but honestly.

“I know, but I will explain everything later, I swear. Just do it, please” His voice was much more softer now, and she could swear she heard it break a little with that last sentence.

“Fine” She answered after without hesitation and pushed him out of the pilot seat. He complied and she could turn the ship’s engines on properly. “It just needs a second to warm up”

“We don’t have a second!” He stopped his nervous pacing only to raise his voice at her and it wasn’t helping at all.

“Don’t yell at me!” Rey yelled back.

“Then do something” She huffed and got up lifting the panels by the entrance to switch something up there.

“Kriffing asshole, I will dump his ass into the void the minute we enter hyperspace, I swear” Rey mumbled under her breath, loudly enough for him to hear her. “Turn off the generator. We don’t need it for now. Then try to start it up again” She commanded and took copilot’s seat. Few more buttons and they felt the ship lifting from the ground. That’s when Rey noticed shots coming from their side of the ship and by the window there was a young man with a blaster. Wearing brown worn down leather jacket with few red elements. She wanted to ask who the hell was he, but decided against it when she heard Kylo’s excited voice.

“It’s working. It’s working!” He jumped up and down in his seat and Rey couldn’t help but laughed at him a little. The man under them kept shooting with a blaster, but it wasn’t doing much harm to the ship.

“We have to jump” Kylo announced then when they were high enough to even consider this move.

“I don’t know if this ship will handle this” She responded. It was a miracle this ship was flying at all, so jumps seemed on the verge of suicide right now. But the masked man wasn’t listening to her, and he already prepared ship for the jump. Only looking back at her quickly before he grabbed the lever.

“We won’t know if we won’t try, right”

**Author's Note:**

> If you need to contact me here is my twitter: https://twitter.com/swissmustard


End file.
